these days come and these days go, but if i don't try, i'll never know

on tuesday i leave for new york for a week and a half.

i'm going to try and use this time to get my head straight. i've been feeling so many different things lately, and i think this trip is just what i need. i'm so looking forward to spending my nights out on the balcony of my grandparents eighth floor apartment, drinking a cold beer, and letting everything bad thats happened recently just roll off my shoulders.

the city calms me down, always has, and though it may be strange, it's the way i am. i have an easier time falling asleep to the sounds of the city, then falling asleep in silence. the commotion, the calamity, the sheer size of everything just puts me in such a great state of mind. when i'm in the city i'm nothing special, i'm just another person among almost 20,000,000. i can wander the streets and just be anonymous, which every once in a while, is very nice. just wandering the streets of manhattan gives me a sense of calmness, that for some reason, i just can't find here in the small towns of the midwest. now don't get me wrong, i love wisconsin, living here almost 15 years will do that to a person, but i think i'll always be a city kid at heart. and hopefully one day, i can fall asleep every night to the sound of car horns and the shine of the bright city lights.

i'm not only excited to be in the city again, but i'm also excited to see some family that i haven't seen in a while. my aunt, uncle, and cousin, who live in prague, in the czech republic, are also going to be there. the last time i saw them was in 2007 on my cousin anna's 4th birthday. so needless to say i'm very much looking forward to seeing them again.

in my dreams

i live in the silhouettes of the skyscrapers

shadows stretching city blocks show me the way home

the bright lights rock me to sleep

and the car horns sing the lullabies

but the city

she never sleeps

when your path has already been walked, when the hourglass is fooling you

at this point, numbers count for nothing.

another year older, and yet again, nothing has really changed. whenever i have a birthday i tell myself that i'm going to do this differently. this is going to be the year. 23 is going to be it. the year i finally get myself off the ground. i'm going to start sticking up for myself, and for the first couple of days, i do. and then you realize the fact that being 23 is no different from being 22, or even 21 for that matter. ages after 21 just tend to be a label we put on ourselves so that we feel more motivated. when your 21 your still young, ready to take on the world on your own. and now, only two years later, here i am, worried that 23 is old, and that i really need to get my ass in gear.

numbers count for nothing. the fact that i'm 23 means nothing. all it means is that 23 years ago, i was just being born. i think sometimes people let things like age get to them to much. weather your 14 or 57, it doesn't matter. we all begin our lives at different points, and realizing that is the first step to really beginning my life.