we don't throw our hands up like we don't care anymore

two things hit me tonight

first, there is nothing better than a beautiful girls arms wrapped around your chest and her head on your back.

and secondly, i really do like her. i can try to deny it to myself all i want, but it's not going to change the fact that it true.




this week has been treating me far better than i ever could have imagined.

is that all you've got

the last couple of weeks have really put me in a good place.

being in wausau has proved harder than i thought it would be. it's taken me quite some time to meet some really awesome people, but i'm finally getting out of the house more. my weekends usually consist of me getting up, going to work, and coming home and spending my night on my butt, which isn't all bad, but i wanted something more. for the last two weekends i've had people to hang out with and i've been having an amazing time. maybe it was just a matter of finding the right people, but i really feel like i'm moving the right direction. i'm happy, and i mean it.

take one step, have you got it in you?

last night i had one of the most exhilarating experiences that i've had in quite some time. i went longboarding with ben and chelsea in the wee hours of the morning. the wind was rushing through my hair, my calfs were on fire, and i could not have asked for anything else. i felt so refreshed when i woke up this morning. riding down a moonlit path next to the river just took my mind off of everything shitty that had happened in the last month. i just felt so good about everything. and even if was just for a short amount of time, i know that i'm going to get to do it all summer, and that my friends, feels amazing.

things here in wausau are really starting to look up.

and all your life, i've been pulling you out of the water

how ever much i hate to admit it, i don't think she feels the same way i feel about her, and i don't think she ever will.

that sucks. that really fucking sucks.

come around, just to feel up when you feel down

most of the time i hate mondays. it's my longest day of the week school wise, and even though i don't have work, i usually end up staying late and doing some school work. but this week was different. today, it was 62 degrees outside. 60 fucking 2 degrees. it's the fourteenth of march, most of the snow is gone, and it's warm outside and it doesn't look like it's going to get cold again anytime soon.

i went for a walk today, and man did it feel good. i walked from my house to the wausau center mall, which is about a mile each way. the beautiful weather just put me in such a good mood, which i haven't really been in to much as of late. i think winter had put me in a funk, and maybe now that it's over, things will start looking and feeling better for me.

on saturday night chelsea and i went to green bay to see poney play. it was the first time i've legitimately been back to green bay since november. being with those guys, no matter how short the amount of time, always makes me feel good. despite a lot of things that have happened, i still consider mario to be one of my best friends. and as of late myke and i have become a lot closer. and really, truth be told, i almost kind of missed living there. almost though, i wouldn;t trade where i am right now for anything in the world.

i may complain a lot, and sometimes it probably seems like i hate it here, but really, this is what i needed. an honest to god fresh beginning. i needed a clean slate, and thats what wausau gave me.

the politics of pizza delivery

i think everyone tends to sweat the little things more than they need to.

when you you were a kid your parents always told you not to sweat the small stuff. don't let the little things in life get you down. how many of us can say that we honestly don't? i know i can't.

i was at work tonight talking to one of the other delivery drivers, whose name is john. john is a crabby old man who worked in a factory for twenty years, and after getting laid off, came to work at pizza hut. to put it lightly, john is a pessimist. he hates everything, never sees the bright side of anything, and more importantly, lets every little last thing get to him. tonight he was doing his share of complaining when we got into this conversation about the politics of pizza delivery. he spent around forty five minutes standing in the back talking about what order you should drop off pizzas in, and all sorts of other dumb things that drivers get all uppity about. after having said conversation, i got in my car and headed on my next run. it was not up until this point that i realized how trivial everything that i had spent the last forty five minutes worrying about was. how in the grand scheme of things did it really matter which pizza i dropped off first, or which ones i took at all for that matter.

sometimes i think we all get so caught up in the stupid things that litter our day that we forget about the grand scheme. we forget that buried underneath all the bullshit, are real issues. we tend to ignore what really matters for the things that are placed right in front of us on a constand basis.

it's time to listen to that dumb shit that our parents told us growing up. we never wanted to believe it, but looking back, how right all of that advice is turning out to be.

don't sweat the small stuff people. life is bigger than which of the two deliveries in your car gets dropped off first. at least i hope it is.

stand up where i can see you, no reason left to hide

i guess it just took me a little time to figure it out.

one of the things that stresses me out the most is anxiety. it just gets me into these moods where nothing can go right and up until now i thought that i got anxious because of everyone around me. turns out i get anxious because of myself. in the last couple of months i've been so worried about everything going on around me that i haven't given myself the chance to just sit back and enjoy myself. i'm not going to worry anymore. i want to spend more time enjoying life and less time worrying about it.

i say it over and over, but really, i don't think i say it enough, life is what you make of it. it doesn't have to be stressful or full of anxiety if you don't want it to be. it's up to every person to make their own choices and shape their lives to be what they want them to be.

i think clarity is something that i need. it's very tough for me to not fully understand what someone is thinking. i think it's time to accept that not everything is that simple.

sometimes i feel like life is this big test. at first i was bombing out, but i'm on my second read through and i'm finally starting to get it. i feel good.

the people you miss, and the way you miss them

my heart is a hand grenade

and she pulled the pin

now all i can do is wait

and listen to that ever present sound

like a silent whisper

that you never wanted to hear

these are the people you miss

their eyes dark and heavy

their canvas bleak

sitting in circular rooms

spinning like a record

playing your favorite songs

how do you miss me?

with another face in your thoughts

strike a match to light the way

the docks are dark this time of year

the ocean reminds me of the sky

i can get lost in it forever

take a string

tie me to your heart

fly me like a kite