when i used to come up with lines of poetry when i was working i used to call myself and leave voicemails of my ideas. my phone won't let me do that anymore so i'm really shit out of luck when it comes to trying to remember what i wanted to write. i guess i could always write it down somewhere and then bring it home, but knowing me i would lose it somewhere along the way.
i've had a lot of good lines run through my head recently, the only problem is that after a while, they all tend to sound the same, not to mention my awful perfectionism. i hate the fact that i'm so critical on my own writing and really wish that i had someone who could read it and critique it for me. i'm always over critical of myself and tend to throw out probably around 75% of what i write because i think it's no good. i want an honest critic, because i'm pretty sure i'm a little biased.
this semester of school is really starting to wear me out. for the first time ever, i'm honestly enjoying school. i don't dread going, i don't put off my work, and i'm actually interested in what i'm learning. it may have taken almost six years to finally find it, but i think i've found my groove in school. my big issue is all of the time that i have to put into it. i knew going in it was going to be a big commitment, but i didn't think it would be this intense. i'm at school five days a week, weather i'm in class or just doing homework, i'm there. couple that with work and i'm just physically and emotionally drained. now don't get me wrong, i finally love what i'm doing, and i know that this is what i want to do. i just think it's going to take some time to get used to the intense schedule.
i've started ending my nights by listening to pelican and just laying in bed with a notebook and a pen. it's really the only time that i get to just relax and forget about the world. i love just floating amongst my words and the beautiful images that the music creates.
my words are like arrows
my mouth the bow
waiting for you to lower your shield
and let the steel pierce your mind
Always remember nothing worth doing is ever easy, and learning to work consistently is in itself a skill. You are doing fine, and being tired is part of the process. Focus on the day and focus on the feeling off success and focus on the future - it will work out.
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